Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
