I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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