Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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