I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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