If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
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Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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