ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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