Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
