Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize