Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
