I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So. Much. Porn.
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