Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
