Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
