I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize