we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
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Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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