even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
