True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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