Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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