I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
