they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
