My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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