just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think I sprained my soul last night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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