so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
