Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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