she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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