I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
