This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
