Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
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Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Be still, my beating vagina.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
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In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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