is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
