Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
