If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
