He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
