You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
