It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Vodka?
Forever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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