I am puke
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
