He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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