her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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