Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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