I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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