also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
