Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
