i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
