Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
