I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
