Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
