Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
