My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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