Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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