Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
