I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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