mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
