We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
