Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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