She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize