If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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