It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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