some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
