I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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