I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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