i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The uberlube is also flammable
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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